10 Common Grand Junction Guys You’ve Probably Dated

If you've lived in Grand Junction, Colorado, and ever dated, you've probably dated at least one of these guys.

1. The Oil Rigger

This is one of the most common, but also the most diverse groups of Grand Junction men you’ve probably dated. While they are diverse in music taste (when they aren’t listening to the “Lithium” or “Octane” or 95 Rock), and when they aren’t drinking Rockstar energy drinks, they do have some things in common. They probably drive a truck they won’t be able to afford (once they lose their position on the rig), they probably have a pretty decent house, and they most definitely have some freeloading friends living there that are planning on “catching up on rent” as soon as they get back on their feet. They just need to stop drinking until 5am every night and get a job.

These guys could be a great boyfriend, but I would be careful to remember that you’re probably not going to see him very often. If that excites you, you’re probably everything that’s wrong with women today.

2. The Colorado Hipster

This guy likes to keep life fairly simple, and you can most likely find him at Roasted, or any local consignment shop. He wears his $3 sunglasses at night, and could probably tell you about the latest Mumford and Sons album, and how it’s far too mainstream. He can’t seem to afford to wash his clothes, or buy a decent stick of deodorant, but always has money for sushi.

This guy would probably treat you pretty well, emotionally speaking; however, be ready to pay for most of the dates, and I hope you’re ready to spend most of your “fun” time discussing politics outside of coffee shops. Also, buy him some deodorant, for all of our sake.

3. The Guy Who Hasn’t Come Out Of The Closet, Yet

He goes to the gym, he has a good job, he has almost paid off his sweet car, has his own place that he keeps clean, and he treats you really great. He always smells great, his hair is always on point, he might even have extremely well groomed facial hair. This is the dude you would love to take home to mom, but maybe something just isn’t right. He probably has a best friend (or roommate), and the they spend a lot of time together. You’re probably going to find out sooner or later that he actually is into the other team. In fact, you might realize it before he does.

The plus side is that until he realizes he’s gay, he’s probably going to treat you exceptionally well.

4. The Colorado Cow-Bro

This guy is actually one of the coolest types of friends to have. As a dude, I totally love having friends like this. This guy was probably either formerly an Oil Rigger, or possibly worked in the mines. He always has fun, he’s always got super cool clothes, he probably has his fair share of fun toys (from his Oil Boom days) and he likes to wear American Flag clothing of some sort. He’s sort of a mix of number 6, number 3, and number 10. To put it simply, the Colorado Cow-Bro is the perfect example of what has happened to the Country Music Industry in the past 5 years.

If you can snag him, he will probably be a pretty fun boyfriend. My warning would be that guys like this seem to be like demigods in the Grand Junction area, and you’re probably going to be competing with other females for his attention, constantly.

5. The Grand Junction “Rockstar”

This dude definitely has some talent, but he thinks he should basically rule the universe because of it. You could probably find him at any of the local bars, all the time, and he knows all the coolest people and all the hip drinks, by heart. Despite not really having his own car or a real job, he always seems to have a chip on his shoulder and that no one else really respects but himself.

It’s going to take a special breed of girl to keep a relationship with this guy. He’s pretty self-centered and definitely doesn’t have much respect for commitment. If you’re the girl that can catch him at a point where he’s ready to change, you could luck out and snag yourself a keeper, but until then he’s probably going to leave a wake of broken hearts behind him.

6. The Narcissistic Gym-Junkie

The plus side for you, he’s got a near-perfect physique. He’s going to “look really good on your arm”, but you’ll grow tired of him pretty quickly. He’s hard to have an intellectual conversation with, and he doesn’t really care about the environment or anything political you probably want to discuss. He won’t be into discussions about the expansion of the universe, or the psychology behind serial killers. Another plus is that he could definitely help you hone in your macros, and I guarantee he knows how to help you get the body you’ve been trying for if you’re willing to listen to him.

There is always a chance that this guy isn’t actually a narcissist, and is truly just into body building, kinesiology, and nutrition. If that’s the case, you might have yourself a winner, although you’ll still have to take into account the amount of time he will be dedicated to the gym, and you probably can’t do pizza nights.

7. The Frustrated Creative

This guy is probably a ton of fun when he’s not working too hard. He’s got something to prove, but he doesn’t realize that it’s only to himself, so he continually pushes himself to reach his unrealistic creative goals. He’s always got big ideas, and sometimes he sees them through. He’s an extremely talented individual, probably at multiple facets of the creative spectrum, but he just can’t seem to find a balance between his creative pursuits and real life. He’s probably a great boyfriend in several areas, but also pretty unorganized and a little messy.

This guy can make a great boyfriend if you can get him to chill out, and clean up a bit. Most of his frustration stems from a lack of organization and unrealistic goals. If you can get him to hone those in, you’ll probably have a great relationship.

8. The Vegan

He’s really healthy and really natural, and he wants you to know about it. In fact, he wants everyone to know about it. He’s probably going to ask you to share his blog posts about why we all need to stop using animals for food, or about his pumpkin and almond muffin recipe. On the plus side, he probably knows some pretty awesome tea recipes and is in relatively good shape.

This guy could make a good boyfriend if you’re into being natural, and you’re into vegan principles. If you’re not, you probably couldn’t ever eat a steak without giving him an aneurysm.

9. The MLM Pyramid Schemer

This guy always has a new “business opportunity”. He’s not actually a scammer, but he always has an idea, and he always needs everyone else’s time and money to make it happen. He’s really good at asking you out to lunch or coffee, and casually turning it into a sales pitch. He means well, and he believes in his ideas, but he doesn’t seem to sit still for long. Somehow he’s always portraying his life as bigger and better than everyone else’s, but he can’t show you how to achieve it without attending one of his meetings.

This guy can definitely make a good boyfriend, but you better be ready for the rule of numbers to come into play. In the sales world, he’s going to get a lot of “no”s before he gets any “yes”s, and that means that while there is potential to make a lot of money in his ideas, there is also a lot of potential for failure.

10. The Colorado Stoner

This guy is fun, and probably extremely relaxed. He’s probably not going to argue with you much, and he’s got great taste in movies and pizza. Another plus is that he’s probably got the newest Next Gen Video Game system, so you’ll always have fun games to play when you’re with him. The downside to this guy, he doesn’t have a lot of drive. He tends to take the easy road and doesn’t handle confrontation well, if at all. If he loses his job, it could take him awhile to find a new one.

This guy is probably a good dude, and will be a helpful and attentive boyfriend. Just don’t expect him to be the frontman in your life adventures together. If you’re ok with taking charge (which some ladies are), then as long as he isn’t a mix of some of the other (more narcissistic) types in this article, you’re probably just fine.