"The Bachelorette" Finale: You Know What Happens, Let's Discuss

Hello, Bachelor Nation. I apologize for this extremely late recap, but due to eye surgery and too much wine over the holidays, I had to put The Bachelorette aside for ~~two~~ a week.

I hope that, somehow, your were able to continue on in my absence. Let's analyze how this season went:

Ben

I feel like this season would have gone a lot better for Ben if he could actually speak like a normal human. Seriously, this boy could not express his feelings if his life depended on it.

ICYMI, here's how his hometown date with Tayshia went:

Ben *to camera*: I love Tayshia.
Tayshia: Do you love me?
Ben: wut.

She sends him home and it does not occur to him until about five minutes into his car ride that he probably should have told Tayshia how he felt. Ohhhhh.

But then, Ben pulls a Bennett and returns to win Tayshia's heart back. She lets him stay long enough to meet her parents, realizes she doesn't like him and then dumps him again.

I feel like I'm in Groundhog Day,.

Brendan

If it wasn't obvious enough that Brendan wasn't quite ready for marriage after his hometown date, Tayshia put the final nail in the coffin when she took him engagement ring shopping and he reacted with nothing other than silent horror.

Later at dinner, Brendan tells Tayshia that he's not ready to marry her and sends himself home. She's sobbing again, but props to him for being honest.

I think he wanted to be ready for marriage and kids, but just wasn't quite there. I guess you can't manifest everything.

Ivan

After an amazing hometown date because Ivan is literally perfect, Tayshia takes him to meet her family. Which also goes perfectly.

However, I knew something was off when they had their fantasy suite date in a literal trailer.

Turns out I was right, because come Rose Ceremony time, Tayshia pulls Ivan aside and dumps him. First Riley, now Ivan? Girl, is your head on right?!

I can't fault her too much though, because her reasoning behind the breakup is that she is religious and he is not. That is a pretty big deal in marriage, so good on her for avoiding a possible future train wreck.

Zac C.

I knew Zac was going to win. I don't know if I ever said it here, but trust me, I called it.

During their hometown date, it seems like his family doesn't really like Tayshia, but they're letting this happen because they really want grandchildren. Okay.

Tayshia's dad also doesn't seem to love Zac, but she is so blinded by love that she doesn't really care. In fact, she tells the camera that the thing she loves most about Zac is that he loves her. Sounds like the start of a great foundation.

Anyway, Zac makes a really boring proposal and Tayshia says yes. They're still going strong on Instagram though, so maybe this really is the start of a lifelong, happy marriage.

Quotes of the Night(s):

"I'm glad I was able to support him in the righteous endeavor."
"I would let my sister date him. Don't know how I feel about my girlfriend dating him."
"I made that fact up but it sounded cool."
"We're just generally sweaty."

Thank you all for graciously spending this season with me. See you next week for The Bachelor.