We Asked AI to Roast the Iconic Venue Known as Red Rocks

We have been having so much seeing what ChatGPT comes up with when we ask it to roast certain Colorado cities. This time, we figured that we should try a place other than a Colorado town or city. Today, artificial intelligence is roasting the holy land of concert venues. Red Rocks Amphitheater.

Red Rocks is a goal that nearly every musician has in mind when it comes to their concert career. Concertgoers will travel from all across the globe to see a show in Morrison, Colorado too. Why? Because the concert venue is iconic and it is natural Colorado beauty at its best.

The Comedic Roast of Red Rocks Amphitheater By ChatGPT

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Red Rocks Amphitheater—oh, the crown jewel of Colorado, where you can pay $100 to sit on a slab of rock and pretend it’s a spiritual experience. Look, I get it: the natural acoustics are amazing. But you know what’s not amazing? Climbing 10,000 stairs to get to your seat only to find out you’re so far back, you’re basically watching the concert from the next zip code. They say Red Rocks is great for cardio, but who the hell goes to a concert to burn calories? You’re sweating more from the altitude than you are from dancing.

And let’s talk about those legendary rocks. Sure, they look majestic, but after about 30 minutes of sitting on them, you realize they’re just glorified medieval torture devices. Everyone’s like, “Isn’t it amazing to sit in nature?” No, Karen, my butt is numb, my legs are cramping, and I’m starting to wonder if rocks are secretly anti-music. I came here to enjoy a show, not to leave with a chiropractor’s business card.

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And the crowd—oh man, Red Rocks is like Burning Man and a yoga retreat had a baby, and that baby really needs a shower. Half the audience is too busy waving their arms like they're summoning the moon gods, and the other half is recording the entire concert on their phones, as if anyone on Instagram cares about your blurry footage of a band no one’s heard of. “Wow, look at this amazing footage of tiny dots performing way down there while I pan across the back of someone’s head.

Even artificial intelligence knows that parking can be a nightmare at Red Rocks.

The sound may be pristine, but the logistics are anything but. Good luck getting out of the parking lot after the show. It’s like a Hunger Games situation where only the strongest make it out by sunrise. You’ll spend more time in traffic trying to leave Red Rocks than you did at the actual concert, and by the time you get back to your car, you're so disillusioned you start questioning whether live music was even worth it in the first place. Red Rocks: come for the acoustics, stay because the exit strategy is as ancient as the rocks themselves.